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Being a third child is not a syndrome. We are a gift to the world and to our families. The number 3 is holy. It is sacred. IT is healing. As my parents say, "Having a third child is when we became a family unit. We became us." I was a missing piece of the puzzle.


Even though I was the last to be born in this lifetime, I am the oldest soul of us three. I am meant to lead us. Not with my words, but by example.


Being the third child is not something to overcome, it is something for me to harness.


I love you and I forgive you. I have nothing to prove to you. I will stay connected to my light and just be me.


I release the burden of carrying them with me.


Let them be.

Updated: Jan 18, 2020

This morning I found myself crying for over an hour over a deep hurt by someone I love. I couldn't stop crying, and not gently crying... a heavy, Claire Danes from Homeland, ugly sob. Most people never see these anxiety/panic laced fits of mine. They are fewer and further between in recent years, as I have found some tools to help me manage my emotional waves. Nonetheless, my episode this morning had me unable to control the water spewing from my eyes or my shaking body. As I was curled up in fetal position, crying on my bed, I asked myself a question that I learned to ask in times of adversity, "What am I supposed to learn from this?"


I immediately felt a rush of calm run down my body and wrap me in a cocoon.


Without even knowing the answer to that question yet, I felt the energetic power of even thinking to ask that question. "Wow," I thought, "How beautiful is that?" Given that yesterday was World Mental Health Day, I wanted to share this story and this mantra that has helped me through multiple adversities this year. While I never get the answers right away, I have found that a few weeks go by after continuing to ask that question, and I end up living my way to an answer.


Here's hoping that I continue to receive the lessens intended for me so that I can break the patterns I am meant to push past in this lifetime. In the words of Anne Lamott, "Help. Thanks. Wow."

I know you two don’t always get along. I know you can hold a lot of anger towards each other. I know you yell back and forth trying to get your voices heard over the other. I know you two only want what’s best for me and you both want to keep me safe, but I need you two to stop fighting. I need you two to stop being at opposite ends of the spectrum. I need you two to stand beside one another and focus more on mixing to make rainbow light all the time. You know that’s my superpower, so I need you two to stop focusing so much on being “right,” or keeping me “safe,” and focus on making some sweet magical rainbow light together. It’s clear to me that one side can’t do it alone. So instead of facing at each other and yelling, can you please stand side by side and keep asking yourself... how do we make that rainbow light together?


Letter to my inner selves written on July 3, 2017....Oh how far we have come along the rainbow road together since then.




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