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  • Writer's pictureT.S.

What am I supposed to learn from this?

Updated: Jan 18, 2020

This morning I found myself crying for over an hour over a deep hurt by someone I love. I couldn't stop crying, and not gently crying... a heavy, Claire Danes from Homeland, ugly sob. Most people never see these anxiety/panic laced fits of mine. They are fewer and further between in recent years, as I have found some tools to help me manage my emotional waves. Nonetheless, my episode this morning had me unable to control the water spewing from my eyes or my shaking body. As I was curled up in fetal position, crying on my bed, I asked myself a question that I learned to ask in times of adversity, "What am I supposed to learn from this?"

I immediately felt a rush of calm run down my body and wrap me in a cocoon.

Without even knowing the answer to that question yet, I felt the energetic power of even thinking to ask that question. "Wow," I thought, "How beautiful is that?" Given that yesterday was World Mental Health Day, I wanted to share this story and this mantra that has helped me through multiple adversities this year. While I never get the answers right away, I have found that a few weeks go by after continuing to ask that question, and I end up living my way to an answer.

Here's hoping that I continue to receive the lessens intended for me so that I can break the patterns I am meant to push past in this lifetime. In the words of Anne Lamott, "Help. Thanks. Wow."

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